Mind Matters

We're coming up on treatment day tomorrow, which reminds me that, to my chagrin, I have not posted all week. My apologies.

The question of the week has been: how did I feel after last week's treatment? The answer: WAY, way better than after conventional chemo. I still felt what I call "chemo-ish"; just very, very mildly so. Almost, but not quite, queasy, and not very focused. I was content to spend Saturday watching football, but I didn't have to. I could (and did) get out and have lunch with a friend.

I will confess to one episode of vomiting Sunday morning, but I totally have no idea where it came from. It was pretty typical chemo vomiting -- which, yes, does feel different from, say, your basic intestinal-virus or food-poisoning vomiting, in case you wanted to know -- but I had no warning or advance feelings. Pretty weird.

Feeling bad at all was something of a disappointment. I had somehow convinced myself that this treatment wouldn't have any side effects of that nature. Conversely, the side effect I've been steeling myself for -- edema in arms and legs -- hasn't appeared. Yet. In a previous study, 70% of the patients had edema, at a dose lower than I get. And my grandmother had such bad edema she had no ankles and her legs looked like an elephant's. So I don't see how I'll escape it. But you never know; my body does have a talent for doing unexpected things.

Speaking of which: this week's main feature has nothing to do with the treatment, and everything to do with bodies doing weird, unpredictable things. It seems that my mind has concentrated all its anxiety in my pelvis, resulting in extremely tense muscles throughout that area. This has been very painful and also affects, um, functions that depend on muscles being relaxed at some times and contracted at others. I'm working with various members of my medical team to manage, and ultimately banish, the pain, which varies in terms of degree, location, intensity and quality, and responds differently at different times. Sometimes drugs help -- both analgesics of varying strengths, and anxiolytics (that's your word for the day; it means "breaks up anxiety") -- and I'm exploring meditation, which is very promising. Heat, in the form of baths and a heating pad, is great for relieving the discomfort. Tonight I discovered that exercise, including ballet movements, helps a lot. I anticipate a return to my massage therapist, and I have asked about acupuncture but my doc has asked me to hold off on that for now.

Probably you have an idea that might work. Please keep it to yourself. I totally believe that mud-and-dung massages helped your Aunt Agnes overcome her crippling pain, but I'm feeling a bit flooded right now and want to keep trying the ideas we already have in a systematic way. Thank you, though.

That's all for now. I have to get up early for tomorrow's appointment at the chemo suite. Keep fingers crossed that the pharmacy has figured out what this drug is and where they keep it, and will take less time to prepare it than last week.