Spring may be coming to Chicago, but here we're more concerned about fall. A tumble last Saturday night - likely a combination of neuropathy in the feet and imbalance from pain meds - left Leslie with a broken bone in her foot. She's getting around in a boot and using a walker, and moving pretty well.
To start at the beginning, on Saturday night, after a good day of visits from friends, Leslie went upstairs while I prepared dinner. Suddenly, I heard a thump and a cry. Leslie had fallen in the bedroom and hurt her foot. It seemed unwise to try to get her up and onto the bed, so I covered her with a blanket and called 911. The EMTs showed up soon after, and we had a debate over whether to take her to the University of Chicago Hospitals (ostensibly on "bypass") or to Mercy. Given that the foot injury was going to have to be merged into the whole suite of medical professionals and treatments in Leslie's life right now, we convinced them to try the U of C, and in fact she was triaged quickly and ushered to x-ray.
The initial images showed no break, so Leslie was given a plastic brace, wrap and walker; by that time, though, she'd gotten anxious and a little delirious, so they kept us until about 3 am for observation, then sent us home.
Monday, we had a call from the ER, saying the weekday radiologists often review images from the weekend, and in our case, thought they did see a break. Leslie's primary care physician was able to get us in quickly for a CT scan of the foot, as well as a follow-up appointment on Thursday with a good orthopod. Given that Leslie is in palliative care, it didn't seem to make sense to operate on the foot, hence the boot (replacing the brace).It's been an up and down week, overall. Leslie's getting daily, highly-focused radiation on her primary tumor, and it seems to be having its intended palliative effect. She is able to sit upright for longer periods (pre-radiation, 30 seconds was about the limit; now, she can sit through dinner).
Still, sleepiness is a primary side-effect of radiation treatment, and coupled with the daily trip to the medical center and home, she's really tired. Add in CT scans, foot doctor appointments, blood draws and more, and the result has been a couple of breaks with reality.
The scariest was on Tuesday, coming home. It was clear in the car that Leslie wasn't thinking straight, but when she tried to get out of the car (into my arms, not on her own) her legs buckled and she fell (gently) to the sidewalk. She immediately became agitated, making it more or less impossible for me to lift her. Fortunately, a friend happened to be walking down our block and helped me lift Leslie and get her inside. By that time, she was shock-y and shaking; even a dose of calming medication took an hour to have effect, and for the rest of the evening, she veered between sleep and incoherent chatter. From 4 on Tuesday afternoon to 11 the next morning, Leslie slept almost straight through, waking only for bathroom trips and for a small breakfast.
After another, similar lapse today, her palliative care doctor concluded that low oxygen level was the likely culprit in her downward spirals, so we now have a rather noisy oxygen machine whirring away in our bedroom, and several tanks of various sizes (given that they're to keep her mentally connected, would they be "tanks for the memories"?).
We're also switching Leslie's pain meds from morphine to dilaudid, which the doctor thinks will lift the mental fog somewhat.
Nothing has been so hard on Leslie as the mental fuzziness. Those who know how articulate, quick-witted, thoughtful, detail-oriented and analytical she has always been can well imaging that Leslie is frustrated, sad and angry at not being able to hold ideas, process questions or decisions, or recall words.
For all her friends who have been sending cards and e-mail, please keep doing so. She absolutely loves reading your messages, including newsy updates on what's going on in your lives. The exhaustion, however, makes it hard for her to focus on replies, so please don't feel offended if you don't hear back. She -- and I -- are feeling all the prayers, wishes, thoughts, karma rockets, light...whatever you choose to send, and we hope you can feel the love that is returned to you manifold, even if we can't always put it in writing right away.
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